Deborah Tannens I Only Say This Because I Love You, And...

Introduction Interpersonal conflicts are inevitable. Different texts suggest not how to avoid conflict, but rather how to effectively communicate when involved in one. However, the â€Å"rules† of constructive communication can completely change in conflicts between people in long-term, interdependent relationships. This paper will focus on analyzing a conversation between a mother and her adult son, while applying ideas from William Wilmot and Joyce Hocker’s Interpersonal Conflict, Deborah Tannen’s I Only Say This Because I Love You, and the â€Å"Conflict Styles† lecture. Conflict Styles In Interpersonal Conflict, Wilmot and Hocker reference Rahim’s (2011) model of five different conflict styles: obliging, avoiding,†¦show more content†¦He does so in a way that is assertive rather than aggressive. Instead of aggressively pushing his thoughts onto Dianne without explanation, Earl works towards achieving his desired goals by openly expressing his frustration as a response to his mother’s commands. In conjunction with his dominant conflict style, he threatens, â€Å"the more you tell me to, the more I won’t,† which qualifies as a threat, because it meets the two required criteria. First, â€Å"the source of the threat must control the outcome.† Earl controls the outcome of the situation since he has the ability to either obey or disobey Dianne. Secondly, â€Å"the threat must be seen as negative by the recipient.† In this case, the recipient Dianne sees the condition of Earl’s comment as neg ative since she will not get her way (Wilmot and Hocker, 159). Earl uses the threat in an attempt to put an end to his mother’s current and future demands. However, the use of a threat begs the question, â€Å"what is gained?† Although Earl solves his immediate issue of changing the sheets at his own convenience, he risks leaving the â€Å"bigger† problem unresolved and damaging the relationship with his mother (Wilmot and Hocker, 160). After this one instance, Dianne may feel the need to force